Beautiful Misery bs-2 Read online

  Turning my head to look at my mom I accused more than asked, “You were in on this?”

  She just smiled, letting her eyes twinkle.

  Gage patted beside him, “Want to have a picnic?”

  Instead of sitting beside him I sat on his lap. “Thank you so much. I love it.”

  “Anything for you and Londyn, you know that.”

  My mom blinked back her tears. “I’m going to go home and let you two have some time together.”

  Gage said, “Thanks for the help.”

  “Anytime, honey. Love you guys.” My mom blew a kiss on her way out.

  “Love you too, mom.”

  “So you really love it?” Gage asked a little nervous.

  “More than you could ever know.”

  Gage pulled me close to his chest and kissed me. “I want you happy, Cobie. I would do anything.”

  “I’m beginning to realize that.”

  And, I was. Gage was different from the guy I had sex with that night in his office. This Gage cared. This Gage wasn’t empty. This Gage looked happy.

  My phone started vibrating and Gage jerked away. “Sorry, scared me. I wasn’t expecting that.”

  Pulling my phone from my pocked I saw a text from Larkin.

  Larkin: Jenna’s in labor. I’ll keep u updated. Luv u sis

  Me: Sending lots of love and hugs.

  I showed Gage my phone and said, “The twins are on their way. I hope Jenna and Larkin finally decided on names.”

  “Knowing Jenna, it should be more like ‘you hope Jenna decided on their names.’”

  Laughing, I said, “You’re probably right.”

  A few minutes later I got another text from Larkin.

  Larkin: C section. I will be a father of 3 in less than an hour.

  Me: Good luck. Saying a prayer for mommy and babies.

  Larkin: holy shit. 3 kids. I’m leaving the hospital with 2 babies. I think I need a shot

  Me: Relax big brother. If you can handle wild child Evalyn Grace, these two will be a piece of cake. Love you. Send lots of pics.

  On September twenty sixth at eleven thirteen in the morning my nephew, Nash Kevin was born weighing five pounds. Three minutes later my second nephew, Knox Henry was born weighing five pound nine ounces. And, according to Larkin, they looked identical.

  11

  Gage

  “Gage!” I heard Cobie yelling my name from upstairs. She had been in a bad mood all day. I took it upon myself to disappear. I had come downstairs to work out, and well, mainly to avoid being Cobie’s punching bag.

  “Cobie!” I yelled back, trying to be funny.

  She had been losing strength the past month and I wanted to keep her as happy as possible. We only had nine days left before Londyn was supposed to make her appearance, until then, keeping Cobie happy and healthy was my main concern.

  I knew she was dying. I wasn’t ready to face it so instead I focused on her wellbeing and our babygirl. I didn’t want to think about the future or how Cobie wouldn’t get to watch our daughter grow up. Life wasn’t fair.

  “No, Gage. I need you. I think it might me time.”

  She had been saying that for weeks now. She was just done being pregnant and ready to meet our daughter. The first few times I listened to her and took her to the hospital only to be sent home a few hours later and we were told she was having Braxton Hicks contractions. They were just ‘fake’ contractions to get her body ready for the real thing.

  Rolling my eyes I yelled, “And why do you think that?”

  Cobie waddled to the edge of the stairs, gripping her stomach. Her face was red and her eyes were filled with anger.

  “Oh I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fluid that just covered your office floor, or the constant flow running down my leg. Or maybe it’s the killer contractions I have been having every three to four minutes for a few hours now. Maybe that’s why I think it’s time. How about you get off your ass, get our shit and drive me to the hospital.”

  Oh shit. This was real. And I was not about to argue with a very pregnant lady who was in pain and pissed off.

  On the ride to the hospital Cobie called her mom who said she would meet us at the hospital. Larkin and Jenna were next. They told her to keep her legs shut until they were at the hospital with their three kids, who were excited to meet their new cousin. How three month old little boys were excited to meet another baby was beyond me but it made her happy so I went with it. Next, she called my parents who were booking a flight while still on the phone. They informed Cobie she was not allowed to have their first grandbaby without them being there.

  Arriving at the hospital, Cobie was immediately taken to a private room. Last time we were in the hospital there had been a small incident with the paparazzi and a few fans. I had made arrangements that day to have personal security for our room. I wanted this to be special. I wanted memories that I could cherish forever.

  “Ugh! This hurts. This hurts so bad. Can I have an epidural now?” Cobie practically begged the nurse.

  Her nurse was older and gave Cobie a sympathetic smile. “I need to check you first sweetie. You need to be at least three centimeters to get the epidural.”

  Sitting on the edge of the bed her nurse pushed her blanket back and shoved her legs wide. Scooting so I was no longer in firing range I ran my hand across Cobie’s forehead. “I’m so sorry I did this.” I truly was. She looked like she could kill me but kept her mouth shut.

  “Good news. You are right at three centimeters so I will go ahead and order your epidural, should be here within thirty minutes. Three centimeters down, seven to go.”

  The nurse pulled the blanket back down and stood, pulling the glove off her hand before walking out of the room.

  Cobie flopped her head back. “I’m only three centimeters? I have to get to ten. This will never happen.”

  “On the bright side, hopefully my parents, Larkin, and Jenna have time to make it here.” That earned me a fierce glare and a few loud huffs.

  Once she was given her epidural she was able to sleep for a few hours. While she was sleeping her mom and my parents had arrived. I filled them in and we all sat watching Cobie, as if she was going to disappear or the baby was going to crawl out of her belly button.

  Cobie abruptly sat up her eyes wide. “Um Gage? I think I need to go to the bathroom. Will you get the nurse?”

  Scrunching my face I said, “They put a catheter in when you got your epidural, its fine. Just pee.”

  Her eyes got even wider as she shook her head slowly. “I don’t mean pee, Gage,” she gritted out.

  Both my mom and hers stood at the same time. My mom looked at me, “I think she needs to be checked again. That may be baby Londyn causing the pressure she is feeling.”

  Hitting the nurse call button I asked for Cobie to be checked again.

  “Well sweetie, ready or not your baby is on the way. I will start setting everything up and page your doctor.” Cobie’s nurse typed into her computer before grabbing things out of cabinets and pulling shit up to the bed.

  I took that brief moment to check my phone. I was hoping Larkin or Jenna had text me letting me know they were close.

  Just as the nurse was attaching some strange looking bars with pedals to Cobie’s bed her doctor came through the door. “So I hear early morning is the best time to have a baby.”

  This was it. This was the moment we had waited months for. We were about to become parents. Shit was about to get real.

  My dad gracefully excused himself when the nurse started pulling the blanket off her and putting her legs in the strange bars.

  “Hmm. Now I see.” I said out loud, not thinking.

  All eyes shifted to me as the nurse gave a small laugh and said, “I’m guessing you’re talking about the stirrups? They help hold her legs in place while she pushes.”

  Giving her a thankful smile I nodded.

  “Ok, now Cobie we are going to wait for the next contraction. When I say push I want you to pu
t your chin on your chest and push like you haven’t poo’d for days. I will count to ten then you can take a breath.” Cobie’s doctor took a seat at the foot of her bed and watched the monitor. “Everything looks good, you have a contraction building. Get ready and push. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…push hard…nine…and ten. Deep breath, we’re going again. Push…two…three…”

  “Wait! No baby until Aunt Jenna is here!” Jenna came busting through the door, Larkin close behind.

  Cobie smiled but kept pushing as her doctor counted. “…and ten. Ok let’s take a break.”

  Larkin stopped just inside the door, but Jenna came right up beside me, kissing Cobie’s cheek. “Told you I wouldn’t miss this.”

  Cobie let out a sigh of relief. “I tried holding out but I swear it felt like I was going to shit my pants.”

  Holding her hand I watched as another contraction started building and her doctor instructed her to push.

  At four twelve in the morning on January third, the most beautiful little girl was born. Londyn Hope Tucker came into the world, lungs in full swing. She weighed six pounds nine ounces and was twenty inches long.

  Absolute perfection- just like her mom.

  The nurse wrapped Londyn in multiple pink and white striped blankets. Once she was bundled up the nurse picked her up. Looking at me and asked, “Daddy, would you like to hold your daughter?”

  Reaching out the nurse sat my daughter in my arms. Snuggling her close I felt my tears burning in my eyes. This was my forever. This was my happiness. In that moment I knew what unconditional love felt like. Looking down at my small beautiful little girl I saw all the promise in the world. She made everything ok. Holding her in my arms I found peace.

  Londyn blinked her eyes a few times before they finally locked with mine. She had Cobie’s dark brown, expressive eyes. Staring into her eyes, I realized everything I had been through in life was to bring me to the point I was at now. If Jenna wouldn’t have left me Cobie and I never would have happened. Londyn never would have been born. She was my purpose in life. For her I would do anything. Placing a tiny kiss on her nose I whispered, “Hi Londyn Hope, I’m your daddy.” She wiggled around, getting a hand free. She stuck her little fist in the air, as if she was searching for mine. Holding my large fist up I lightly bumped hers. She opened her small hand and wrapped her five itty bitty little fingers around my pinky. She already had me wrapped. Softly kissing her hand I said, “Daddy loves you more than the moon and the stars. You’re safe babygirl.”

  Larkin was at my side. He sat his hand on Londyn’s tiny body. “She’s perfect man.”

  Looking up I couldn’t help but smile. “Just like her mom.”

  “Would you like to meet our daughter?” I asked Cobie. The doctor was finally done cleaning her up and was saying his congratulations.

  Cobie looked tired but her smile never faltered. “More than anything.”

  Gently, I placed Londyn in Cobie’s arms and took a step back. Cobie looked complete. Seeing her holding hold our daughter made me love her more. It made me realize I wanted us to be a real family. I love Co. I don’t want her to ever doubt that and I don’t want her to think when things get tough I’m going to run.

  I needed to talk to Larkin. I wasn’t asking for his approval but I wanted him to know what I was planning. I already knew what sorta wedding Cobie would want. We had talked about that one night, what kinda wedding she would have had if given the chance. I wanted to give her that chance.

  Cobie would already leave this earth without living her dream of becoming a doctor. I wasn’t going to let her leave without having her dream wedding.

  Taking a seat in the rocking chair by the window I rested my head on my fist. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep but I wanted to watch Cobie with our daughter.

  “She’s beautiful, Gage. I can’t believe you’re a dad.” Jenna scooted her chair up to mine. Not looking at me but at Cobie and Londyn she said, “I’m proud of you. We’re growing up. We have families. I know this isn’t how you pictured our futures but we are both happy. Right?” When she asked she turned to look at me.

  Studying Jenna I took a minute to think.

  I am happy. I mean, I have a healthy, beautiful little girl. I love her mother and she loves me. Maybe I would be losing her soon but I would always have Londyn. She was my happiness. So then why do I still have an empty feeling?

  Looking from Jenna to my daughter I smiled. “I’m as happy as I’m ever going to be. She makes me happy. She makes this ride a little easier. I don’t know how I’m going to do it once Co is gone but I will manage. It’s what I do. It’s what I have to do.”

  Jenna placed one arm around my shoulders. “You’re a strong man and you have all the support in the world. You will…we will get through this. But right now, we won’t think about the future. We will focus on now. Focus on your new beautiful and healthy little girl who is the center of your world.” I forced myself to look away from my daughter and to look at Jenna. “The look on your face when you look at Londyn is a look of complete and total love, wonder, and awe.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say. Londyn is the center of my world. And now, so is Cobie.

  Cobie

  I was a mommy. I was holding my daughter. This was real. She was real. I was surrounded by family and friends and welcomed my baby into this world. I did it. Now I had to make every day the best as I could.

  “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” My mom ran her hand through my hair. “I can’t believe how much she looks just like you.”

  Looking over my daughter I saw so much of both Gage and I. “She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.” Laying my head back I rolled it on my shoulders to look at my mom and asked, “How do I do this? How do I pretend everything is normal? It’s not. I’m going to…to die. I feel so damn guilty leaving all this on Gage. This isn’t his fault mom. He doesn’t deserve to be put through this.”

  Smiling sweetly to hide her pain and tears, my mom glanced back at Gage who was talking softly to Jenna before she said, “Sweetie, he’s tough. He loves you. You have a new baby, a bond that can’t be broken. Gage is going to love you and that little girl always. Even if you’re here,” my mom’s voice softened as she said, “Or when you’re gone.”

  There was a knock on the door before my nurse poked her head in. “I wanted to check your pain and make sure everything was ok.”

  Looking at my sleeping newborn I replied, “We’re perfect.”

  “Ok, well if you need me just use the call button. If not I will be back in an hour or so to check in.”

  “Thank you,” I said as she shut the door.

  Larkin bent over and kissed the top of my head. “Not how I expected to see my baby sister but shit she’s cute. If you’re up to it the waiting room has been taken over by the Tucker and Nayler posse who all are waiting to meet Miss Princess.”

  Looking around the room everyone looked tired but I didn’t want to turn people away from meeting my pride and joy. “Of course not. Tell them Londyn is happy to meet everybody.”

  Larkin left to gather everyone from the waiting room. Gage was still off to the side talking to Jenna, who had a huge smile on her face. If I didn’t know any better I would think they were a gorgeous couple. Jenna was looking at Gage and listening closely to what he was saying.

  “Knock knock baby mama,” Sadie said as she came through the door. “Let me see that baby.”

  “Shit, hide the baby. This crazy lady doesn’t need anymore.” Jinx joked as he walked in behind Sadie.

  Sadie stuck her tongue out at Jinx as she came up beside my bed. “Little late for that,” Sadie said nonchalantly.

  “Huh?” Jenna and I asked at the same time.

  Tyler laughed. “Yep, baby Hampton number four is on its way due in September.”

  “Damn you two. Do you ever not have sex?” Jinx asked, faking disgust.

  “So how many kids do y’all need before you get married?” Larkin asked.r />
  Sadie shrugged. “I don’t want to be fat when we get married. We kept saying after each baby that we would get married but super sperm over here keeps knocking me up. I put my foot down this time. After I threw that damn stick with the two pink lines in his face I told him no more. Four kids was enough. Hell Frannie isn’t even three yet. We will have four kids under four. It’s time he wraps before he taps.”

  The entire room busted into laughter. It must have startled Londyn because she started squirming and whimpering.

  “Shh. It’s ok baby. Mommy’s got you. Are you getting hungry?” I cooed at my daughter.

  Gage jumped from the rocking chair and was at my side. “Is she ok? Do I need to get the nurse?”

  Laughing lightly I said, “Everything is ok. I think she’s just hungry. I’m going to try to feed her and maybe we can attempt sleep?”

  “Well, I can’t help with the feeding. God didn’t give me boobies. Do you want me to ask everyone to leave? I can tell them they are welcome to come back this afternoon.”

  “I think that sounds good. I just don’t want to upset anyone.”

  “Co, they will understand. Don’t worry. Just feed our baby and I will take care of everything else.”

  After everyone left Gage pulled the rocking chair up to the side of my bed. He sat there watching Londyn and I as she ate. I could tell something was bothering him and he was too afraid to say anything.

  “Just say it.” I blurted out.

  Gage’s eyes widened slightly. He scrubbed his face with both hands and let out the breath he had been holding. “I don’t want to talk about the future but at some point we are going to have to.”

  Sighing I said, “I know. I was looking forward to this day but deep down I was dreading it. I knew once she was here it would be the beginning of the end. Neither of us want to or are prepared to deal with this but this is our life. We have to, not for us but for Londyn.”

  Gage bounced his eyes from Londyn to me. “This isn’t fair. I thought I was ok with what our future held but now that it’s happening I’m realizing I’m not. I want Londyn to have her mom and I want you to be by my side helping me raise our daughter. I love you, Cobie. I want us to be a family. I want to give you your dream wedding. I don’t have a ring,” he paused and got down on one knee. My tears stinging my eyes. “But, this is me asking you to marry me.”