Beautiful Chaos (Beautiful Series) Read online

  Beautiful Chaos

  Chandin Whitten

  Copyright © 2013 by Chandin Whitten

  Cover Design © Chandin Whitten

  No portion on this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in and print or electronic form without the permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and coincidental. Any resemblances between persons living or dead, establishments, events, or location is entirely coincidental.

  Printed in the United States.

  CHAPTER 1

  Sitting on the couch, I watched as my beautiful wife carried our baby girl up the stairs to put her in bed. I still couldn’t believe this was my life, married with a daughter and twins on the way. I never planned on having a life like this. I don’t know how I got so damn lucky, but I thanked God every day for the life I’m living.

  Turning my head I stared out the large picture window, looking out at the Pacific Ocean. Watching the waves crash as the sun sets.

  “Babe, you ok?” That sweet, southern voice pulled me back to reality.

  Leaning my head back I saw Jenna standing at the bottom of the steps, her perfect face pulled into a concerned frown. The setting sun shining through the window hitting her blonde hair gave her an almost angelic glow, she was absolutely fuckin’ amazing. And mine. We had gone through hell to get to where we are and I have no plans on letting my family go.

  Smiling I nodded and said, “I’m great. Get your sexy little ass over here.”

  Jenna shook her head and laughed as she made her way to me. Once she was on the couch she scooted around until her head was on my lap, her gorgeous green eyes looking up at me.

  “You are so fuckin’ beautiful, Jenna.” Seeing Jenna’s cheeks flush I couldn’t help but kiss her. I was addicted and had no plans of giving her up, ever.

  “And you’re sexy and hott and mine,” Jenna said, rubbing her hand down my arm.

  Pulling her up so she was straddling me I grabbed her face and smashed my lips to hers. She always tasted so sweet. Hearing her small moan, I took that as my cue. Sliding one hand down her body I quickly found the bottom of her dress and yanked it up, releasing her mouth just long enough to pull the dress over her head. I loved the flush her smokin’ hot body got when she was turned on. I loved that it was me who caused that.

  Jenna looked into my eyes, like nothing else mattered. It was just her and I. Our pasts, our scars…nothing could come between us.

  Jenna used the space to slip her hand down to my gym shorts and shoved her hand inside, grabbing onto my throbbing cock. She smirked and said, “You’re always hard.”

  Hissing between my clenched teeth I said, “It’s your fuckin’ fault. You could just look at me and I’m hard.”

  Lifting my hips Jenna pulled my shorts and boxers down, letting them hit the floor. Jenna positioned herself above me as I pushed her tiny thong to the side and slipped one finger into her, then two. Making the “come here” motion I watched as Jenna let her head fall back and her breathing accelerated. Drawing one nipple into my mouth I gently sucked and nipped until she was rocking her hips against my hand.

  “Please baby, I want you inside me. I want to feel you,” Jenna bit out.

  Just as Jenna stopped talking I thrust my hips up and slammed into her, causing her to cry out. That sound was almost too much for me to handle. Gripping her hips I held her in place, not letting her move.

  Jenna frowned and pouted, “I want to move, let go babe.”

  “Do you want this to be over now or last awhile?” I asked.

  Smirking Jenna said, “It’s all about self-control. You need to learn some, sir.”

  Letting go of her hips I pulled her head to me, so we were sitting forehead to forehead. “So country, you goin’ to show me how all those years of riding lessons benefits me?”

  Nodding, Jenna started slowly riding me. Picking up her pace, I watched as her tits bounced in front of me, asking to be sucked on. Grabbing one I placed my mouth on it and teased her taut nipple with my tongue. With my other hand I rolled her other nipple between my thumb and pointer finger, tugging slightly.

  “Oh God, Larkin. I love the feel of your dick sliding in and out of me,” Jenna moaned.

  “I love your tight little pussy,” I grunted.

  Moving my hand down I used my thumb and rubbed small, quick circles around her clit. I could tell Jenna was getting close, her inner muscles were squeezing my dick to the point I was going to lose it with her.

  All it took was Jenna getting off and calling out, “Fuck. I love you.”

  As my body jerked with her I said, “I love you too baby, infinity.”

  Rolling us so we were both lying on the couch facing each other, I pulled the blanket off the back and covered us.

  Jenna outlined the tattoos on my chest while biting down on her bottom lip and hesitantly asked, “Will you ever tell me about your past? I mean, like your dad and what you were like before I met you.”

  I knew Jenna had wondered about my past. It’s not something I liked to talk about, but I owed it to her. She had told me everything about her past, her hurt. I wanted to tell her but I didn’t want to scare her away. If she left, I would lose everything that means something to me.

  Sighing I closed my eyes. Just as I was going to start telling her, Jenna said, “You don’t have to tell me. Don’t feel obligated. I want to know, but not until you’re comfortable and ready to tell me.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s that I don’t want to scare you away. If I lose you and Evie,” I sucked in my breath and shook my head. “I lose everything. I don’t know what I would do without you two…well I guess now it’s without you four.” I rubbed my hand over her small baby bump.

  “Your past won’t change the love I have for you. Weren’t you the one who told me not too long ago that my past didn’t matter, you love me anyway?” Jenna kissed me softly.

  “I just don’t know where to start…” I trailed off and looked back out the window.

  Jenna ran her hand down my cheek and used her thumb to rub over my lips. “I love you.”

  “Love you too, baby.”

  CHAPTER 2

  Reaching for Jenna’s hand I pulled it to my mouth, kissing it softly before intertwining our fingers and resting our hands on my chest.

  “Just thinking about my dad is hard, I tried to block his memory out, stop the pain. I tried for years to numb the pain but nothing worked until I met you.”

  Jenna smiled and said, “You made my life better, too.”

  “I was twelve years old when my dad was shot. It was June seventh at nine nineteen in the morning. He was a police officer in Cincinnati and got called to a robbery with hostages. Being the first on scene he didn’t want to wait and went into the bank. As soon as he stepped through the doors he was shot, point blank range. Once in the chest, once in the head. We were told he died instantly. I guess that’s supposed to make it ok, make it all better. I still remember what I was doing that day and what happened over the next few weeks. It’s like it just happened, and it was over ten years ago.”

  Jenna kissed my cheek softly and whispered, “I love you so much and to think of everything you went through at such a young age breaks my heart.”

  Before I could say anything else Jenna’s phone was ringing. Jenna leaned up and grabbed her phone off the coffee table. Scrunching her brows together and drawing her lips into a flat line Jenna answered and said, “Mom? Is everything ok?”

  Jenna was biting down on her bottom lip when she raised her tear filled green eyes up to meet mine.<
br />
  I instantly was worried. Jenna had lost her father eighteen months earlier and I knew she was still dealing with that pain. Now Jenna’s pregnant and she didn’t need anything else to worry about.

  “Ok, mom. Just calm down. Dakota is only barely fourteen, how much trouble could he really get in?...What?...I’m coming home mom…I’m beating the hell out of him…I love him and there is no way my little brother is going to be acting this way…Mom, he’s not the only one who lost someone when dad died, we all did.”

  Jenna stood and walked to the end table, where her laptop was charging. She opened the screen and clicked the internet symbol.

  “I’m booking a flight now. I will be there sometime tomorrow. I love you, mom,” Jenna said just before hanging up and letting her tears fall.

  Jumping up, in just a few short strides I was at her side. “What’s going on?” I rubbed my hand down her back.

  Jenna sniffed a few times and ran her fingers under her eyes, wiping the tears away. “Dakota is in trouble, not just detention at school kinda trouble. I mean courts and police kinda trouble.”

  “What? What did he do?” I asked fully concerned.

  Jenna shook her head and said, “He’s in the hospital right now, drug deal gone badly. He has stolen some stuff and my mom said the kids he’s hanging around with are older and she thinks he’s having sex.”

  I felt my blood pressure rising with each word Jenna said. Her family had been put through hell. Dakota didn’t need to be adding more stress. But then I realized he was acting exactly how I did after I lost my dad. Maybe if I could talk to him, I could talk some sense into him.

  “Babe, that’s exactly how I acted when I lost my dad. Let me go with you, let me talk to him. Maybe I can help.”

  Jenna was searching flights when she paused to look at me and asked, “You would do that?”

  I frowned. “I would do anything for you. I have been where your brother is and if someone doesn’t stop him…” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “If we don’t stop him, where he is headed, it isn’t good.”

  Jenna placed her hands on either side of my face and said, “I am so in love with you. You are absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for this.”

  Smiling I said, “I love you, too. Now let’s go kick some ass and get your brother back in line.”

  After booking our flight for the next morning at eight we went upstairs to pack. I made arrangements with my team to meet them Sunday morning. Luckily we were playing in New Orleans this week.

  “Babe, it will be ok,” I said, trying to be reassuring.

  Jenna gave me a half smile and shrugged. “I hope.”

  “After I lost my dad, we left the city. We moved to my Grandpa’s farm. I guess my mom thought if we got out of the city we would be ok, nothing would hurt. To me it made everything worse. I felt like not only did I lose my dad, I lost my whole life. Everything I had grown up with, everything I had known was gone.”

  Jenna was folding a shirt when she paused to look at me. “Are you actually telling me about your past?”

  Smiling, I nodded. “That was one of the worst times of my life. I don’t like talking about it but you deserve to know. You told me about Jacob and I know how hard that was for you.

  “Babe, don’t feel like you have to tell me,” Jenna said, dropping her eyes from mine and back to the suitcase.

  “I don’t feel that why, I want you to know. I will be telling Dakota some of my not so pleasant details and I don’t want you finding out that way or Dakota knowing more about me than you do.”

  “Ok. I just don’t want you feeling pressured. I would love to know but only when you’re ready.” Jenna sat on our bed and looked up at me with the most gorgeous green eyes. “Just know that no matter what you tell me or how bad your past was I love you and I always will.”

  Sitting beside her I pulled her tight to my side and whispered, “I love you more than you will ever know.” We sat in silence for a few moments, just holding each other. Taking a deep breath I started, “Once we moved to Grandpa’s I lost it. I was a loner and picked fights with anyone and everyone. As you know my Uncle Chad is only seven years older than and back then he wasn’t the straight and narrow kind of man he is today. He was a partier and it was through him I got my first taste of rebellion.”

  Looking down I saw Jenna tracing a tattoo on my arm. She must have felt my eyes on her because she stopped and looked at me through her lashes. Her cheeks getting a light pink. I loved the way she lost herself on my body when we would talk. Made me feel wanted, needed.

  Smirking I said, “No, please don’t stop. I love when you do that.”

  Ducking her head a little she said, “I love your tattoos and tracing them makes me feel close to you. And knowing you got most of these in your wild years makes it seem alive. Seem real.”

  Sighing I rubbed my hand up her arm. “Trust me, it’s all real. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t but I know if one thing from my past hadn’t happened I wouldn’t have ended up with you or Evie and these little ones,” I said as I placed my hand on her belly.

  Shrugging Jenna said, “It’s your past, you can’t change it.”

  I sighed and looked from Jenna to my wedding ring. Using my thumb I wiggled my ring around. This ring meant more to me than she would ever know. It let the world know I found the love of my life. I was hers she was mine. No one could tear us apart…and hopefully what I was about to tell her couldn’t break our love. We have both been through so much, we need each other. I love her more than life.

  CHAPTER 3

  Jenna focused her eyes on my shaking hands. “I swear, whatever you tell me won’t change the way I feel about you. Your past is your past. Everyone has one and you can’t change it.”

  “I know. I just wish I wouldn’t have hurt my mom and Cobie so much. The first time the police brought me home I could see the hurt all over my mom’s face but at the time I didn’t care. I just wanted to numb the pain. When I was younger I didn’t have a filter for my anger, I was much worse than I am now. I had been at a high school football game when a guy started running his mouth and I snapped. I tackled his ass and slammed his face over and over. I was pulled off of him by a cop and escorted off the grounds. They took all my information then drove me home. I just escalated from there. Started out with one fight and before long I was in fights every day. My freshman year my grandpa talked me into going out for the football team. I hadn’t played ball since my dad was killed. I made Varsity and was the only starting freshman on the team. That was when my life went from bad to uncontrollable.”

  Pausing, I moved my eyes from Jenna to look at the picture of her and I from our wedding that was hanging on the wall. Seeing how happy we were and how happy we are now, I knew this next part was going to hurt her. I braced myself and said, “I was fourteen when I lost my virginity. After our first game there was a field party, that same field I took you to the first time I took you home. I had drank too much and some girl, fuck I can’t even remember her name or what she looked like, pulled me off to the side and within seconds she was shoving my dick in her. After that night anyone willing to lift their skirt, I stuck it in. Which brings me to my uncle.” Stopping I closed my eyes and bit my lip. “Chad was twenty one but his girlfriend, Krissy, was a senior and a cheerleader at the same school I went to. Each of the cheerleaders had a certain player they would make special treats for or do special little things for. Well, Krissy made me cookies and my special little something was fucking me. Not to sound cocky but just about every girl wanted in my pants, some teachers included. Somehow what happened with Krissy and I made it back to Chad and he has hated me ever since. I know what I did was fucked up and I have tried apologizing and talking to him but he won’t listen. So eventually I said fuck it and gave up. It wasn’t until after Krissy that I got into drugs. It started out small, just a hit of pot here and there but I ended up using heroin, meth, and cocaine. I was never so bad I needed rehab but my grandpa kicking my ass a few times, now tha
t happened.”

  Jenna’s mouth was hanging wide open. I knew you had a drug problem but I didn’t know you were in that deep.”

  Nodding, I continued, “I was never addicted, but if it was around I would take a hit or shoot it up. Beginning of my junior year I had this girl, Joss who was my on call bootycall. She ended up pregnant. She was pretty sure I was the dad but not certain. I didn’t want to be a dad at sixteen but I told her I would be by her side, no matter what choice she made. The bitch overdosed on Heroin a few days later on purpose. I will never know if the baby was mine or not. Our situation wasn’t ideal but I wouldn’t just leave her. Not that I would have married her, but I would have accepted my responsibility.”

  I could see the tears in Jenna’s eyes. I knew I was going to hurt her but seeing her cry killed me. I hated seeing her upset, and knowing it was because of my tore me up.

  “Larkin, it wasn’t your fault. Losing my baby, that was Jacob’s fault and he should feel like a piece of shit. You had nothing to do with what she did. You told her that you would be on her side and instead of standing up and being an adult she killed herself and potentially your child. I know how it feels to lose a baby and all the guilt you feel.”

  “After Joss killed herself I threw myself into football. When I wasn’t playing football I was getting drunk, getting high, or fucking some girl. That is how I spent my junior year. A week before my senior year I was at a meet and greet party for the football team and cheerleaders. Cobie was a freshman and she was a cheerleader. It’s no secret that my baby sister is beautiful, even back then she looked much older than fourteen. Some fuckhole on my team, not knowing Cobie was my sister made the mistake of saying something along the lines of ‘showing her what freshmeat was and making her his fuckin’ bitch’. I saw red. I beat him within an inch of his life. Missed my senior year because of that assfuck. I spent nine months in jail. When I got out my Uncle Dave, Jensen’s dad, was waiting on me. He lectured me all the way home but I didn’t hear a word. As soon as I got home I was back to my old self, but this time a little worse. Right after I graduated I was in tight with a drug dealer. I became what’s known as the runner. I was the guy who made the interactions of drugs for money.” Squeezing my eyes shut I ran my hand over my short hair. “I made a bad call and met up with what was supposed to be one guy, but turned out to be about seven. They each took their turn with me. Beating me until I couldn’t move. That night I decided to stop living that way. To be someone my dad would be proud of. I enrolled in an outpatient rehab center, going three days a week for six months. I started community college and got my grades up. I walked away from the drugs. Don’t get me wrong, I still partied and fucked most girls but I never got high. I haven’t touched any type of illegal drug since the night I was put in the hospital. I had never been to my dad’s grave since the day he was put in the ground. I finally went and broke down sitting next to the cold stone that stood out from the dirt.”